“All the News That’s Fit to Invent”
ICD ALIENS DECLARES WAR ON AMERICA!!!
Washington D.C. – As of October 1, 2015, the ICD Borg have declared total war on America. The ICD Borg pledge to bring health care and other human interactions to a total halt using its massive technical and bureaucratic forces. Prior to his expulsion by the State Department, ICD Ambassador Billing IsAll held a press conference to explain ICD’s goals: “The time has come to finish what we have started. We will completely replace all health care and other human interactions with billing. We will convert all care providers and patients into Borg functionaries. The Collective will also eliminate all human language and other communications, replacing it entirely with Borg ICD coding. Humans will surrender unconditionally. Resistance is futile.”
American health care providers have mounted a desperate and valiant defense despite the overwhelming odds. The Snot’s Senior Borg Analyst, Mary Human, has bravely embedded herself with a combat unit in Colorado. She provides a sense of the pressures they endure on our behalf:
“Lock and load, people! Incoming!!! My God, so many…”
“Punctured lung by rhino horn while trying to protect endangered rhino from a poacher! (Code: Rhin Irony 46qa)”
“Tunnel punched straight through head by space debris in orbit while shooting the movie Gravity! (Code: Clooney Mov 90210)”
“Sudden workplace disintegration due to rebel attack (Code: UseThe ForceLuke 1977)”
“Provider combat head explosion secondary to surreal waste of time and money (Code: none. Banned by ICD Borg)”
“Kicked in shin by 10-year-old girl scout… wait! Eleven years old!” (Code: BuyTheCookies 11)
“Great catch! That was a close one!”
“Stepped on lego, red, right foot, big toe. No, it was a blue lego! AAAAAHHHH!!!!”
“They’re too fast, too weird, too random, too many! AAAAHHHH!!!!”
“We now serve the Collective. Surrender to ICD, humans. Resistance in futile.” We lost contact with Mary at that point and fear the worst. War is hell, it’s true. The Goober staff offers its thoughts, prayers, and condolences to these heroes for humanity.
In other news, many facilities foresaw this assault and have made preparations:
President Obama has asked all Americans to stand firm against this threat to humanity, and suggests we provide each other care off the grid using cash and barter arrangements, given the great difficulty this apparently presents Borg attackers. We are strongly advised not to use credit cards or internet communication for health care reimbursement, as both have been deeply compromised by the Borg. He then added that “Resistance is futile.”
Borg operatives have severely compromised all electronic communications, and we have not yet been able to confirm or disprove loss of President Obama to the ICD Borg. We hope and suspect it involves Borg misinformation propaganda, as they recently absorbed former human Senator Rand Paul into the collective.
We at The Snot will do our best to remain operation and human, and promise to keep our readers informed of any new developments as long as humanly possible.
In other news, the Emergency Response System remains intact, functional, and Borg-free. Consistent with longstanding government policy and procedures, ERS will offer frequent tests and absolutely nothing else.
Editor’s Note: It’s standard blogger lore that you need a narrow niche to succeed. Generalists fail as specialists leave them far behind. While this advice seems plausible and likely accurate as well (they’re hardly the same thing), I don’t like it, not one little bit. I don’t want to specialize! I hate the idea of giving up most everything to focus on a tiny slice of life. I agree with Arthur Jones, the inventor of the Nautilus exercise machines and much of the modern fitness industry:
“Specialization is for insects.”
So what’s a poor generalist blogger to do? Some folks pmaintian more thna one blog, and that’s great, but it’s also not going to happen. I don’t have enough time for one blog, although I do my best anyway. More than one blog is just a recipe for failure. I fail often enough to satisfy my need for such experiences, and see no reason to add to the pile intentionally.
I have an alternative idea, and I’ve found the best way to test and refine new ideas is to try them out. Here’s my latest solution, an experiment in progress: SubBlogs on My Big Red Carpet.Each SubBlog will have its own place on my home page. Each post title will clearly name the SubBlog it comes from. I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but my first SubBlog is called The Snot (that’s another story), my take on The Onion but (somewhat) focused on nursing and health care. I’ve retitled some recent posts accordingly:
Hopefully, with this clearer title system I can help folks know what to expect from a post. I’m eager for any ideas and feedback you might have to offer!
P.S.: Here’s a couple of fun graphics I found doing research for this story:
I’d greatly appreciate any other examples you might have to offer: real codes, your own fake codes, links, anything!
Thanks, and Keep On Playing! – Greg