The world’s’ incompetent and/or hopelessly lazy computer coders and Electronic Medical Record (EMR, aka EHR) companies continue to overwhelm the health care industry’s border controls to demand refugee status. Such status apparently includes guaranteed and lucrative work producing dangerously outdated, inefficient, and surreally ineffective software that wastes healthcare providers’ time and endangers patient safety and privacy. Providers’ security measure seems to have broken down completely in many locations, with a devastating impact on staff and patients alike.
As a desperate response, clinicians including nurses and physicians have sent a designated representative to the United Nations to demand a prompt Resolution condemning this severe and persistent attack on health care quality, efficiency, and patient safety. The designated representative has also been tasked with seeking UN approval for Peace Keepers to prevent such parasitic coders and EMR/EHR firms and their health care management allies from continuing to prey on innocent providers and patients.
The EMR industry has countered with its own representative. In a press conference, he insisted that anyone who expects quality coding in health care is clearly Anti-Technology, Anti-Progress, Pro-Competence and thus Anti-Incompetence, Pro-Efficiency and thus Anti-Waste, Pro-Quality and thus Anti-Crap, Pro-User and Pro-Patient and thus Anti-Management. He added that such dangerous enemies of “our sweet deal” have no place in the Profit (aka “Health Care”) Industry, and must be promptly crushed, preferably in an extremely slow, wasteful, inefficient, awkward, and unreliable manner consistent with industry standards.
In other news:
Anonymous hackers, in a show of public service, have reportedly saved many lives since they began providing unfettered and clearly organized (“the original data was such a mess!”) access to all the health care data the EMR industry also reported it is fully able to also provide, except at the moment and until further notice, and which they also claim remains completely secure “except for inevitable losses for which we are entirely not responsible as determined by us. Get used to it.”
EMR representatives added that their past repeated successes at securing all stored data after each successive and increasingly massive breach/theft clearly proves the merit of their claims of total security moving into the future:
“After each increasingly massive loss, we have consistently been able to keep our data fully secure until the next massive theft, consistently.”
In other news:
Incompetent Public Relations workers and firms have increasingly overwhelmed border controls and demanded refugee status with paid work within the EMR industry. Updates to follow…
(EMR industry representatives did not respond to our request for comments. Their recorded messages indicated that their servers are guaranteed reliable and are also down for some unspecified duration for obscure reasons “that are obviously not our fault as determined by us,” consistent with industry standards and practices. )