On Kindness – Be the Bus Driver

Last week a client, age 13, let me know that she had cut again, this time with fatal intent. She wasn’t sure why she had been so upset; she stopped because of the blood. The news was devastating for a number of reasons, but I had to set my feelings aside in the moment and focus on her. My feelings could wait—and they did. I drove the hour home filled with longing to be held and comforted.

That she trusted me enough to share what she had done was a good and powerful thing. It was a return on the investment of asking her calmly each week whether she had felt triggered since I had last seen her; whether she had cut; and, if she had, what her intention had been. By remaining calm and using neutral words, I gave my young client permission to speak and language she could and did use. After she and her…